The Middle Road

A Personal Journey to a 'Middle Road' Perspective

I've heard a lot of quotes in my short lifetime, one of which has stuck with me especially. It's a quote me and my siblings hear every now and again from dad, and it goes like this. 'For every mile of road there are two miles of ditch'. The last blog I wrote (Natural Fragrances? You Decide.) addressing the topic of whether or not natural fragrances are okay, really got me thinking about a middle road perspective. In my research of the topic I found that it seemed to be a somewhat controversial subject, and every article I found on it seemed to lean fairly strongly one way or the other. My goal with the article I wrote is to hopefully have laid out the facts for what they are so that each person can make an educated decision based on what is the most beneficial for them rather than being biased one way or the other. And hence, the idea for this blog post was born. I've also observed a thing or two about myself, and the way I relate, and I've concluded that I sincerely need to build a middle road perspective in my own life. Here's a little example to show you why I need that improvement.

Picture this. You're sitting in a conversation with friends. A controversial topic surfaces, or maybe it's just a topic that you have some "opinions" on. And then, if you're at all like me you'll probably share those thoughts, and maybe share them exactly how you feel them. Yeah, I hope I'm not the only one who's done it. I came home from a conversation like that recently, and my sister who had witnessed the conversation, said to me, "Did you not realize that {friend's name} was offended by your comment?" Gulp. No, I was so focused on my opinion that I didn't notice at all how it affected the other person. I felt kind of terrible and I'm realizing that I definitely need to develop some new neuropaths in my brain so I don't respond so impulsively, especially in conversations with friends.

My Vision of the Middle Road

When I think of the middle road I get a picture in my mind. It's a road that has two sides with a yellow line running through the middle, and a ditch on either side. Sounds really unfamiliar and strange, right?😉 (Don't close the blog yet; I'm not going to try to tell you to walk the yellow line.)

Let's talk about the differences between the road and the ditches. The road is clean. It speaks of an end goal. A defined direction. Then we have the ditches. What do you picture when you picture a ditch? It's overgrown, trash thrown here and there, maybe even dead animals. Sound correct? If so, it's probably not the first place any of us would like to be. Unfortunaltely though, we've all probably spent some time 'in the ditch', in our mindset, weilding of opinions, and lack of respect for other peoples views and opinions. That brings me to my next thought.

Taking a figurative view of our middle road and ditches, I see on the road, people walking alongside each other, maybe on opposite sides of the road, but all on the road. They hold different views on certain aspects of life, but one common factor keeps them beside each other: their respect and support of all others in spite of conflicting viewpoints. Beautiful, right? Now observe the people in the ditches. Their focus is not ahead. It is across the road directed at the people in the opposite ditch. Both sides are opposed to each other, and both are trying to convert the others to thinking the way they do. It doesn't work. It never has and it never will. I've been there. Maybe you have too. But we want change. The good news is, we can change, though it will take some time and effort.

How to Build a Middle Road Perspective

So, how do I change my perspective when it's 'in the ditch'?

Here's the formula:

-hard work

-persistence

-a never-give-up attitude

I know. I'm sorry. It was going to be simple. Unfortunately, it's hard, but it does work when you persist, and NEVER give up.

Let's break that all down a bit. First off, our thoughts are obviously where our actions and words come from. I think the place where we most often go wrong is that we form an opinion, and when our opinion is formed, we forget that others exist. We want our view to be understood and accepted. Never mind the rest of the population. They're all wrong anyway. Then we share our opinion, exactly how we feel it. And by the time we get feelings behind it, it doesn't usually get presented in the most thoughtful, respectful way.

You can see it. As soon as the thought process is laid out on paper, it's easy to understand the problem, and we know where the change needs to come. It's called an open mind. A simple interest in another person. Seeking to understand their viewpoint, and not always needing my opinion to be heard. Something that has been key for me in developing that interest in others thoughts and viewpoints, is when I'm thinking about something that I know is a controversial subject, before I'm actually in a group or one on one discussion, to bring up the question in my mind, 'I wonder why the other party thinks what they do?' and then just to ponder that for a bit, even if I don't come to a conclusion. Most importantly though, I find that I must not allow myself to revert back to why I think what I do. Don't get me wrong. It's good to know why you believe what you believe, but rehashing it too many times in our brains can be unhealthy because we become so fixed on our opinions and views that we begin to assume we are the only right people on the planet. And that is when we start hurting others.

It takes time, and it takes work. But being open to learn from others, no matter how right I think I am, is so incredibly beautiful. It reveals a special strength in a person when they are able to listen and understand others views even when they have their own set of viewpoints on a subject.

We are here for each other. We were all given a different path to walk. Each of us has something to give, and something to learn from those around us.